From one midwestern girl (suburbs of Detroit) to another, I can relate to so much of the challenging territory you're navigating here. I would lose myself in making collages from fashion magazines, dreaming of a life of fame and glamour. I've often reflected on the fact that I never return home because my parents left the home I grew up in for Vermont due to the rampant sprawl. And much of my creative life has been driven by a feeling of 'cultural-deficiency'. This I feel the most. But I am also so proud of my midwestern, grounded, salt-of-the-earth practicality, friendliness, generosity, neighborly care, and delight in simplicity. But I can't live without the wild. Nope. I've now lived in my home in Oregon longer than any other place, so here feels like home. And yet, there is such a deep part of me that lives on that middle ground, and its a tender spot.
Thank you for sharing this. ❤️ I so appreciate the qualities you described about the Midwestern character. There is a warm, easy, grounded culture in the Midwest in spite of the urban sprawl - maybe it comes from the farmers. As for the living without the wild, I am starting to think the land that really needs me (my help, advocacy, presence) is the one that has been ravaged so unrecognizable by sprawl and industrial farming. That’s what feels like the assignment part to me that Stephen talks about. Still, I have been sleeping, cooking, hiking and walking in such raw, wild beauty the past five years that I don’t think I can bear to give that up. Lots to think and write about.
Wow there is so much richness here. I have so much to say about all this. I am going home for TG and everytime I go there is a deep conflict of belonging and repulsion. I grew up in NY with lots and lots of culture but I still couldn't wait to leave and be from somewhere else. Keep an eye out for an essay about it soon inspired by your essay which I will certainly link to.
I am eager to read your essay. It’s so interesting, that urge to leave home and as you say “be from somewhere else”. I know so many who feel this way about where they were born but wonder, have humans always felt this way or is this a more modern longing (or “affliction” as Jenkinson would call it).
Whoa, there, my Hoosier friend. I am from not far from Ft. Wayne, across the border in Ohio, Greenville by name. Spent the first 18 years there and after 4 more years in Ohio, Oxford to be specific I left family and friends behind and moved on. My brother still there, after 54 years in the same house, he 4 year younger than me. It was a great place to stretch our wings and learn how to fly, at least then, back in the 40's and 50's. Long time ago.....
Mexico, in the Central Highlands, near San Miguel de Allende. Long journey to get here from where and when I started. Getting ready for a 2 week road trip, sans RV. I remember listening to WOWO. Powerful Midwest radio station.
I’m a Hoosier too. Born in Wabash because my father took a job there. We left when I was three. My parents were from Lafayette so I’ve only been back to my hometown twice since then. When we went to family it was Lafayette we went to. We lived in three other states. Twice in Ohio where I graduated from high school. So where is my home? I’ve lived in Texas more than 30 years except for some short international ex-pat sojourns and our mostly annual rv trips to escape the Texas summer and enjoy the wild. I do think that midwesterners have the traits you attribute to them but I also find those traits in most born here Texans. I don’t want to live in the county seat of 5000 where I graduated from high school. I hated it there. It was too small and restrictive after having lived in some bigger places. I knew that at the age of 12 when we moved there. There is little left there that is wild in that county. Even though it’s still a county of mostly farms. I live in a county with a population of a million people that is growing exponentially and is part of a 10 million population center. I think that I can do good here without having to return to someplace else. And I do by setting my thermostat at 80 and leaving the state for someplace cool enough that I can sleep at night without running the air conditioner.
The sense of home can be so complicated. I grew up in Wisconsin and can’t say anything bad about the people there and how they shaped my life. I have that Wisconsin soul as part of me. Yet I doubt I could ever go back and live there. We have so much in common yet are so different. My daughters spent a majority of their years growing up in Oregon and feel as though that is home — where they are from — yet throughout school years they never felt they fit it. I would remind them the only thing they have in common with the kids at school is that they live in the same school district. Eventually we find the place we feel at home, at that moment in our lives. It might last or we might move on as the search continues.
I understand the energy behind the recommendation to stay/return to the place we were born to improve it. But I also know that people destroy their hometowns, too (see: the local monument to a dead rich guy who got that way exploiting local workers and resources). And I know the beauty immigrants bring to new places, and the dangers many would face returning home. I also know so many people born in a country that wasn't either parents', and who moved again before they could walk. The world is mixed up, and I love it, and I would never send anyone "back to where you came from" to experience violence, harassment, lack of opportunity, or simply feel like they don't fit in. The history of humans is enriched by trade routes and the people who move within them. Imma settle where I see fit, and improve that place with the love and dedication I bring to it.
I too was uprooted from the place of my roots - “voluntarily” - but more so due to confusion, desperation, uncertainty, fear, lack of confidence…and work.
I believe this in a nutshell (although I could go on for hours): you cannot truly love a place until you leave it.
It keeps calling to me 40 years later. But I’m not entirely sure it would have me back or vice versa.
New subscriber here! I'll be going back to Illinois for the first time in years this week. Hopefully I'll get to visit my university with my best friend. I'm wondering what my impressions will be, your essay gave me a lot of things to think about. I'm excited to go trick or treating with my friends' kids!
I loved reading this. April. As a teenager, I couldn't WAIT to leave the place I grew up in. So boring. Dull. Predictable. Average. Now, I live mostly on the road and between continents, but I do have a home there - just a few metres from the one in which I grew up, and it's one of my favourite places on the planet. The things I took for granted - nature space, peace, community - are now the things I hold dear. It has and always will be home.
There was a time when my husband and I moved around so much that question was difficult for me to answer as well, the only stability I had was him so whenever someone asked the question I always said: home is where my husband is.
Hi April! Such a great article on how you feel about where you were born. You pose such a great question about that topic. For myself, I don't think I could live where I was born after living in the US. Although I'm grateful to be born where I was born, after experiencing the freedom to roam and go where I want to, it's hard to go back and feel like your caged in. Thank you for sharing your heart-felt thoughts with us! Keep writing!! Love reading your newsletters and your pictures!
Where were you born? It’s such a great point that you make about moving somewhere for the freedom. I have been pondering this aspect too and it’s something I want to ask in the lecture series. Thank you for sharing 🪷
I recently wrote a post called “Where I Come From” where I described my home town (a small coal mining town in West Virginia). I always wanted to be somewhere (and someone) more exciting and interesting. When I was a teenager I dreamed of moving to a big city where there was culture and diversity and art and everything West Virginia didn’t have. But I didn’t. I still live in West Virginia, maybe 30 miles from where I grew up. When I look back on the town where I began, I feel nostalgic for it. It was a good place to be a child. But I realize it’s not the place I’m nostalgic for; when I think of my town I think of my grandparents, the feeling of security and belonging, the innocence of childhood and being care free. The time before divorced parents and moving away and losing everything that was familiar. That’s what I miss.
From one midwestern girl (suburbs of Detroit) to another, I can relate to so much of the challenging territory you're navigating here. I would lose myself in making collages from fashion magazines, dreaming of a life of fame and glamour. I've often reflected on the fact that I never return home because my parents left the home I grew up in for Vermont due to the rampant sprawl. And much of my creative life has been driven by a feeling of 'cultural-deficiency'. This I feel the most. But I am also so proud of my midwestern, grounded, salt-of-the-earth practicality, friendliness, generosity, neighborly care, and delight in simplicity. But I can't live without the wild. Nope. I've now lived in my home in Oregon longer than any other place, so here feels like home. And yet, there is such a deep part of me that lives on that middle ground, and its a tender spot.
Thank you for sharing this. ❤️ I so appreciate the qualities you described about the Midwestern character. There is a warm, easy, grounded culture in the Midwest in spite of the urban sprawl - maybe it comes from the farmers. As for the living without the wild, I am starting to think the land that really needs me (my help, advocacy, presence) is the one that has been ravaged so unrecognizable by sprawl and industrial farming. That’s what feels like the assignment part to me that Stephen talks about. Still, I have been sleeping, cooking, hiking and walking in such raw, wild beauty the past five years that I don’t think I can bear to give that up. Lots to think and write about.
Wow there is so much richness here. I have so much to say about all this. I am going home for TG and everytime I go there is a deep conflict of belonging and repulsion. I grew up in NY with lots and lots of culture but I still couldn't wait to leave and be from somewhere else. Keep an eye out for an essay about it soon inspired by your essay which I will certainly link to.
I am eager to read your essay. It’s so interesting, that urge to leave home and as you say “be from somewhere else”. I know so many who feel this way about where they were born but wonder, have humans always felt this way or is this a more modern longing (or “affliction” as Jenkinson would call it).
Whoa, there, my Hoosier friend. I am from not far from Ft. Wayne, across the border in Ohio, Greenville by name. Spent the first 18 years there and after 4 more years in Ohio, Oxford to be specific I left family and friends behind and moved on. My brother still there, after 54 years in the same house, he 4 year younger than me. It was a great place to stretch our wings and learn how to fly, at least then, back in the 40's and 50's. Long time ago.....
Another Midwesterner! 😊 I have never been to Greenville. Where are you now?
Mexico, in the Central Highlands, near San Miguel de Allende. Long journey to get here from where and when I started. Getting ready for a 2 week road trip, sans RV. I remember listening to WOWO. Powerful Midwest radio station.
I’m a Hoosier too. Born in Wabash because my father took a job there. We left when I was three. My parents were from Lafayette so I’ve only been back to my hometown twice since then. When we went to family it was Lafayette we went to. We lived in three other states. Twice in Ohio where I graduated from high school. So where is my home? I’ve lived in Texas more than 30 years except for some short international ex-pat sojourns and our mostly annual rv trips to escape the Texas summer and enjoy the wild. I do think that midwesterners have the traits you attribute to them but I also find those traits in most born here Texans. I don’t want to live in the county seat of 5000 where I graduated from high school. I hated it there. It was too small and restrictive after having lived in some bigger places. I knew that at the age of 12 when we moved there. There is little left there that is wild in that county. Even though it’s still a county of mostly farms. I live in a county with a population of a million people that is growing exponentially and is part of a 10 million population center. I think that I can do good here without having to return to someplace else. And I do by setting my thermostat at 80 and leaving the state for someplace cool enough that I can sleep at night without running the air conditioner.
The sense of home can be so complicated. I grew up in Wisconsin and can’t say anything bad about the people there and how they shaped my life. I have that Wisconsin soul as part of me. Yet I doubt I could ever go back and live there. We have so much in common yet are so different. My daughters spent a majority of their years growing up in Oregon and feel as though that is home — where they are from — yet throughout school years they never felt they fit it. I would remind them the only thing they have in common with the kids at school is that they live in the same school district. Eventually we find the place we feel at home, at that moment in our lives. It might last or we might move on as the search continues.
i loved this "Consider the impact on where you were born because of your absence from it." Such a beautiful thought to ponder on deeper.
Yes it’s rich
I understand the energy behind the recommendation to stay/return to the place we were born to improve it. But I also know that people destroy their hometowns, too (see: the local monument to a dead rich guy who got that way exploiting local workers and resources). And I know the beauty immigrants bring to new places, and the dangers many would face returning home. I also know so many people born in a country that wasn't either parents', and who moved again before they could walk. The world is mixed up, and I love it, and I would never send anyone "back to where you came from" to experience violence, harassment, lack of opportunity, or simply feel like they don't fit in. The history of humans is enriched by trade routes and the people who move within them. Imma settle where I see fit, and improve that place with the love and dedication I bring to it.
This is beautifully written. I can hear the questions as you work your way through them.
Thank you 😊♥️
I am in awe of your life and your writing.
I too was uprooted from the place of my roots - “voluntarily” - but more so due to confusion, desperation, uncertainty, fear, lack of confidence…and work.
I believe this in a nutshell (although I could go on for hours): you cannot truly love a place until you leave it.
It keeps calling to me 40 years later. But I’m not entirely sure it would have me back or vice versa.
Where are you from? That’s an interesting perspective. I don’t think I’ll ever love Fort Wayne but I have developed something of a soft spot for it.
Buffalo. Despite its bad rep I do love it.
Being from upstate Louisiana, I still visit but could never live there again. Thank you for these!!
New subscriber here! I'll be going back to Illinois for the first time in years this week. Hopefully I'll get to visit my university with my best friend. I'm wondering what my impressions will be, your essay gave me a lot of things to think about. I'm excited to go trick or treating with my friends' kids!
I loved reading this. April. As a teenager, I couldn't WAIT to leave the place I grew up in. So boring. Dull. Predictable. Average. Now, I live mostly on the road and between continents, but I do have a home there - just a few metres from the one in which I grew up, and it's one of my favourite places on the planet. The things I took for granted - nature space, peace, community - are now the things I hold dear. It has and always will be home.
There was a time when my husband and I moved around so much that question was difficult for me to answer as well, the only stability I had was him so whenever someone asked the question I always said: home is where my husband is.
You will find the beauty in anywhere
💕
Hi April! Such a great article on how you feel about where you were born. You pose such a great question about that topic. For myself, I don't think I could live where I was born after living in the US. Although I'm grateful to be born where I was born, after experiencing the freedom to roam and go where I want to, it's hard to go back and feel like your caged in. Thank you for sharing your heart-felt thoughts with us! Keep writing!! Love reading your newsletters and your pictures!
Where were you born? It’s such a great point that you make about moving somewhere for the freedom. I have been pondering this aspect too and it’s something I want to ask in the lecture series. Thank you for sharing 🪷
I recently wrote a post called “Where I Come From” where I described my home town (a small coal mining town in West Virginia). I always wanted to be somewhere (and someone) more exciting and interesting. When I was a teenager I dreamed of moving to a big city where there was culture and diversity and art and everything West Virginia didn’t have. But I didn’t. I still live in West Virginia, maybe 30 miles from where I grew up. When I look back on the town where I began, I feel nostalgic for it. It was a good place to be a child. But I realize it’s not the place I’m nostalgic for; when I think of my town I think of my grandparents, the feeling of security and belonging, the innocence of childhood and being care free. The time before divorced parents and moving away and losing everything that was familiar. That’s what I miss.